I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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