it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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