I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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