theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
