I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
