I cockslap morals
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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