I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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