Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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