he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
