i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Congratulations! We have a period
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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