i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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