There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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