I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
