Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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