Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They took my balls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need water and some morals
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
