ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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