Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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