I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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