I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
