i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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