i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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