The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
