im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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