I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize