I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
