he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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