Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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