im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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