he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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