I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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