If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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