he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Alive.
So much puke
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
