no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
