Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
