We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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