well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
