i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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