Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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