I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
