I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
