Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
