So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You smell like stripper and shame
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
