Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
