i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize