I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
