I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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