I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
