He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
