If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
