i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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