my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
