He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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