I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
