i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
