You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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