I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
