first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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