so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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