Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
