Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
