soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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