So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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