Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No stitches, just platelets and will power
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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