I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
