First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
