I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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