this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i came on her dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
