Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
