So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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