i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
